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Natural Awakenings San Diego

Creating Healthy Boundaries for Relationship Success with Tris Thorp

Tris Thorp, empowerment breakthrough coach, acclaimed speaker, and author of the life-changing book Healing Your Heart: Rewrite Your Story with Awareness and Intention, shares that all healthy relationships have one thing in common—healthy boundaries. And, she is on a mission to help others learn how to not only create them, but lovingly enforce them.
    “It might sound counterintuitive, but boundaries are essential and necessary for healthy, thriving relationships,” says Thorp, who strives to embody her values while sharing the wisdom and insight she’s learned from her own experiences. “Healthy boundaries set you and the other person up for relationship success.”
But why are they such vital components in relationships? “Healthy boundaries create a feeling of safety which enables us to bring our authentic selves into our relationships,” explains Thorp. “They allow those we are in relationship with to recognize reasonable ways to behave around us. They’ll know what is and what is not acceptable treatment, and what actions will be taken if boundaries are crossed.”
    While that might sound frank, Thorp assures us that setting boundaries can be a very heart-centered, empowering action that fosters trust and respect in all of our relationships. “Healthy boundaries create positive experiences and deeper connections with the people in our lives. Getting clear about your boundaries and sharing them in a healthy, positive and firm way avoids hurt feelings in all types of relationships.”
    Thorp admits that many of us often believe that others should automatically know our boundaries—even if we’ve never communicated them. “That’s why making the choice to get clear about what our boundaries are and stating them clearly, and with love, is essential,” she says. “It’s especially important that boundary conversations come from the heart. Boundaries expressed with love are so beneficial for the success of any relationship.”
    Thorp shares that while it is a process to discover what our boundaries are, it’s one of the most worthwhile and rewarding steps we can take. “In order to create thriving relationships, we must be willing to have hard conversations. And, we need to be clear with ourselves before those conversations happen. Half the time we don’t even know what we need but we expect others to know and meet those needs. Before setting up boundaries, we need to first identify what they are.”
    We can begin, explains Thorp, by first determining what makes us feel happy, valued and appreciated by others. “All of these are guideposts toward the way we want to feel when in relationship. We also need to determine how we don’t want to feel and what we won’t allow in our relationships. “Is it that I won’t tolerate you sneaking behind my back? Leaving me out? Not giving me room to talk? Infidelity? Let them know what really won’t work for you, but do it in a heartfelt way. And, you must follow through on the consequence. This is critical; if we don’t follow through, we teach people that it’s okay to walk all over our boundaries.”
    Thorp realizes that enforcing boundaries can be challenging. “Many of us haven’t been successful in the past with communicating consequences. It’s helpful to self-reflect on past boundary violations to see what happened. Ask ‘what have I learned from this?’ If fear prevented you from having a clear conversation in the past around expressing your boundaries, find out what was driving that fear. Honest reflection can prevent it from happening in the future.” And while nobody who creates boundaries with another person wants to see them violated, unfortunately, violations still can happen. “The key to consequences is following through on enforcing them,” she affirms. “We can’t control how another person will respond. We only have control over our thoughts, words and actions. However, if a person is willing to shift their behavior in favor of harmony, that’s the best outcome. But remember, you can’t control the other person. You can, however, forgive yourself for any part you played in their choices. And you always have a choice in how you handle boundaries from now on.”
    Tris Thorp has a vast  array of offerings aimed at empowering others to heal their lives, release emotional baggage and discover their core values while developing more clarity, harmony and abundance in their lives through her bestselling books, online courses, workshops and (currently online) workshops, retreats and her widely acclaimed one-on-one Integrative Breakthrough Coaching Program.
    As part of her offerings, Thorp created a set of Healthy Boundary tools including her Healthy Boundaries Starter Kit, available for free (for a limited time only) at TrisThorp.com. Those seeking to master the art of effective boundary conversations from the heart can dive even deeper in Thorp’s 90-minute Setting Healthy Boundaries Online Master Class. During this enlightening class, Thorp takes participants on a comprehensive, thought-provoking journey of self-discovery to learn everything they need to know about identifying, setting and enforcing boundaries, in addition to practicing forgiveness.
    Thorp assures us that we all can become masters in the art of healthy boundaries for healthier relationships. “By standing in our truth, coming from a place of grace and with healthy boundaries in place, we can better navigate relationship challenges in a way that unfolds potential,” she affirms.

If you’re ready to learn to create healthy boundaries, visit TrisThorp.com to register for your free starter kit today.